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It’s 2024 and our attention is limited, our capacity is limited, and for many folks, financial resources are limited.

If we don’t yet know one another personally or professionally, hello and welcome!  If we have been acquainted, you may know that I practiced as a licensed child therapist from 2012-2023.  After a necessary pivot in my practice, I’ve landed here, chatting with you in the form of a blog post.  I always wanted to write a blog when I was seeing child clients and didn’t get around to it with so many competing demands on time.   I’ve reclaimed some of that time and after contemplating how to continue supporting kids without being directly involved in their clinical care, I’ve decided to share some of the material I’ve accumulated over the years.
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This blog will cover a variety of topics, revolving around caregiving (a term I use to encompass parenting without limiting the scope of who is in the role of raising minors) and advocating for school-aged learners.  I’ll often include resources for further exploration of a topic if it is something that resonates.
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Posts will often include invitations and practices that you can **dabble/try on/experiment/try out** A practice I’ve been intentional about for a few years now is noticing and tracking synchronicities.  A concept that caught my attention in a continuing education training one day while a friend went into labor.  Synchronicity is loosely defined as events that feel connected by meaning, without any causal effect.
Catching up with a friend and local photographer/creative (Hank at Percepto Studios) about my career pivot, including writing and new professional offerings, reminded me that creativity has been at the core of so much of what I’ve done.  Back in 2017 when I needed headshots for my private practice, amidst some green screen shots Hank set me up at the desk in his studio for this photo.  Back then the paperweight felt like a fun prop, not a true representation of how I believed I was showing up in the world and especially not my career.

Photo credit: Hank Vohrer, Percepto Studios

This brings me to negativity bias.  A tendency to give greater weight and attention to experiences and events we perceive as negative in life, with significantly less attention and meaning attached to that which we perceive as positive.  When stressed and stretched beyond capacity in general or in a specific arena of life, our minds so easily notice anything that confirms a negative belief or perspective.  In the example above, it was this belief that there wasn’t room for creativity in my career as a child therapist.  Looking back, this perception could easily be refuted by the creativity required to engage in play therapy with child clients, not to mention the handmade gifts I’ve given loved ones for many years, or even the cards I painted for some of my child clients as we were ending our work together.

Caregivers are overwhelmed and exhausted so much of the time.  In our individualistic little pods, folks raising other humans are generally on a learning curve that inherently leaves the caregiver a few steps behind the development of the kid.  They really do change so quickly!  Folks read parenting books and gather information from experts on what to expect in certain developmental stages and how to navigate predictable challenges within those stages.  Here’s the thing. Your kid is unique.  You are unique.  Generic doesn’t always cut it.  So often I encounter folks after they have learned from the experts, tried all the recommendations, and are left stumped, and worse- feeling shitty about how they are showing up in their role.  Y’all are working so hard in a system that cut out access and normalizing community care or intergenerational homes.  Or if you are in an intergenerational living space, it often means you have elder caregiving responsibilities on top of those for your child(ren).  Which means that compassion is the first ingredient for change.  I extend compassion to you, so that over time you can extend compassion to yourself.

Back to negativity bias and how it shows up in the caregiving world.  For a caregiver, an example might look like a thought along the lines of “my kid is so rude.”  Through the workings of negativity bias, your mind might hook into the belief and begin to notice each instance they behave in a way you define as rude.  Sometimes the noticing floods us with surprising force and it becomes hard to focus on anything else.  It’s like noticing synchronicity, but jacked up by a brain process that comes naturally.  What do we do about it?  First, an acknowledgement that it sucks when minds engage in this process when it comes to your kid(s).  When you begin to notice it coming up, you can remind yourself and recite (in your mind or otherwise): ‘My mind is honed in on ____ and I know it’s normal, I still feel ____ when it happens.’

The next invitation today is to set an intention to notice something positive about your kid.  Examples include moments when a particular character trait you really admire in them shows up; each time they complete a certain task without struggle; or each time they are affectionate in a way you appreciate.  You choose the behavior or expression that you are looking out for.  Start with ONE.  Give yourself a chance to succeed, so that you feel empowered and capable when future practices push up against your growth edge.

What’s the why behind this practice?  Noticing and observation is a skill.  Doing so with intention is another skill.  Acquiring new skills in the midst of overwhelm adds another layer of challenge.  This invitation allows you to try something new that has very low stakes attached.  Only you will know you have accepted the invitation.  In this space, there is ONLY try.

​Land acknowledgement: I primarily live and work on the ancestral territory of the Piscataway and Susquehannock Peoples.  Both tribes were displaced. In the case of the Piscataway, the land was reported to be ceded but we recognize impact over intent here and ceded is language of the oppressor that means forcibly persuaded.  The lands of the Susquehannock were stolen after broken treatise and encroachment of colonial settlers.  I thank those who cared for this land before their forced removal and recognize the many forms of harm and violence that occurred for me to live and work here today.  

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